SSNN posts for the weeks of June 24th through July 8th

By: Tom Alexander

I’m going to start posting a few links to my SSNN posts for the previous link, so you all can see what we’ve got going on over there and hopefully enjoy a couple of those stories.

CC Sabathia confused by new nickname

CC doesn’t want you to call him mL.MILWAUKEE — CC Sabathia had an unusual request of reporters in Milwaukee upon arriving with the team Tuesday – no more periods. “I’ve just decided to go with CC, without periods,” [continue reading...]

Posted on July 8th, 2008

Sabathia settles Brewers rotation debate by eating Sheets

CC’s paunch is even larger after he added Ben Sheets to it…MILWAUKEE, WI — When the Brewers traded for C.C. Sabathia yesterday, there was a lot of debate as to whether the incoming “ace” would replace the current “ace” of the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 8th, 2008

SSNN forced to pull A-Rod story when it actually becomes true

A-Rod’s Kabbalah study caused near disaster at SSNN.CHICAGO, IL — The Serious Sports News Network is reeling today after an ironic twist of events which resulted in a scheduled story for the satire site being pulled from [continue reading...]

Posted on July 8th, 2008

Cynthia Rodriguez seeking half in divorce filing

C-Rod hopes to be the next great power/speed prospect in MLB…MIAMI, FL — Citing irreconcilable differences, Cynthia Rodriguez has filed for divorce from New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez, seeking half of her husband’s money and assets, including at least half [continue reading...]

Posted on July 7th, 2008

Francouer’s arrival to AA Mississippi delayed for two days by holiday beach traffic

a_francouer2_195GREENVILLE, MS — The Mississippi Braves were excited to hear that they’d soon be getting an infusion of big league pop in their order, when struggling Atlanta Braves outfielder Jeff [continue reading...]

Posted on July 6th, 2008

David Stern stunned to learn the Sonics are moving to Oklahoma City

NEW YORK, NY — Everything was going fine for NBA commissioner David Stern on Sunday morning, until a weird turn of the internet ruined his day. “I was just scrolling through [continue reading...]

Posted on July 6th, 2008

Nadal proposes that Wimbledon final renamed, played in a better location

roger-federer_rafael-nadal1WIMBLEDON — SSNN has learned that Rafael Nadal has made an unusual request on the eve of his Wimbledon finals date with Roger Federer. According to sources, Nadal has requested [continue reading...]

Posted on July 5th, 2008

Randy Moss wants his NASCAR team to increase “rims” budget

rmoss2FOXBORO, MA — Randy Moss, NASCAR’s newest owner after purchasing a 50 percent share in Morgan-Dollar Motorsports, is off to a rocky start with his new business partners after some [continue reading...]

Posted on July 4th, 2008

Venus and Serena Williams inspirational for six-foot tall African-American multi-millionaire women everywhere

WIMBLEDON — As Venus and Serena Williams advanced to the finals of Wimbledon’s womens singles to play each other for the third time, Candace Parker took note. “Venus and Serena are [continue reading...]

Posted on July 4th, 2008

Spanish fans vow to “try harder” after killing only one during victory celebration

Spain Soccer Euro 2008 FansMADRID–Distraught Spanish soccer fans vowed to try harder next time after only ending one person’s life [continue reading...]

Posted on July 3rd, 2008

“Devastated” Jair Jurrjens reacts to trade by ruthless fantasy owner

8091ATLANTA, GA–A “heartbroken and disgusted” Jair Jurrjens arrived at the ballpark Wednesday after disovering late Tuesday night that he’d been traded away by rapacious fantasy baseball owner John Tain. Tain, the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 2nd, 2008

Jay-Z knocks out Vitale

You can’t knock the hustle…NEW YORK CITY, NY — Dick Vitale is recovering today after having his jaw wired shut overnight, a byproduct of being punched in the face by Jay-Z following the NBA [continue reading...]

Posted on June 27th, 2008

Woman who actually knows how Shaq’s ass tastes paid not to tell anyone

Shaq’s ass does not, in all likelihood, taste very good!LOS ANGELES, CA — In a dramatic and ironic twist, one of the few people in the world who actually knows how Shaquille O’Neal’s ass tastes has been paid not [continue reading...]

Posted on June 25th, 2008

Bradley dotting I’s with hearts in attempt to soften image

This man dots his I’s with hearts… hee heeARLINGTON, TX — Still plagued by many of the image problems that have handcuffed his career, Milton Bradley has taken a drastic new course. According to recent reports from Texas, Bradley [continue reading...]

Posted on June 24th, 2008

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Tom Alexander founded the Chicago Sports Review in 2003, and currently serves the publication as its co-publisher. Alexander's media career has spanned a variety of interests, including newspaper reporting with the Times of Northwest Indiana, online reporting with ePrairie.com, and a two-plus year stint as a professor in Columbia College Chicago's journalism department. Outside of journalism, Alexander works to redevelop communities that have been struck by natural disasters. Alexander, a 2000 graduate of the University of Chicago, currently lives with his wife Tiffany and their black lab mix, Johnny Cash, in Arlington, Va.

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